Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
