I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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