the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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