Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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