i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
did i just pee glitter
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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