i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
