So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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