Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
