That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
