why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
