Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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