shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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