Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
