for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
