She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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