WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize