Sponge bath it is.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
