Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
