i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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