you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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