so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
