You really coming over, don't trick.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
