I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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