Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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