Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize