There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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