Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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