I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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