Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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