I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
