Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
