it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
