Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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