come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
