no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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