The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
