I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
