Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wear drunk well.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
