if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
