He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
