She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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