I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize