did you get engaged???
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
