she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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