I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize