i just wanna soil my oats bro
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
