My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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