Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
