I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
