She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
