I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
