Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize