I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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