The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
