I looked at my own cervix.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
