im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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