My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
