i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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