That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
