He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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