Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
