if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
