so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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