Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote

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(630): View more from Illinois

i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...

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(847): View more from Illinois

we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u

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(802): View more from Vermont

I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.

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(707): View more from California

Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?

(1-707): View more from California

Yeah, so?

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