if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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