I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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