Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
bring money and cleavage
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
