I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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