allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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