i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
