Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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