got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
