I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
