Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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