Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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