yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
