I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
