I CAN MOONWALK!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
