My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
