just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
