We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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