Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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