So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
barbara walters just said penis...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize