Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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