So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
