we have pet lesbian snakes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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