Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
