I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
