Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
