do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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