What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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