This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
