For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
