My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
