i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
