It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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