I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
