i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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